Remember conversation hearts? They’re those candies that taste like chalk (except for the yellow ones; they taste like banana-flavored chalk), and they say things like “BE MINE” and “HUG ME.”

Good times. Well, not really. Not if you’re a self-conscious kid who lives in fear of giving a KISS ME to the wrong classmate (and let’s face it: in 4th grade, they’re all the wrong one).

I got some the other day in a (super duper!) birthday package. They’ve changed. They still taste like chalk, of course- some traditions you just don’t mess with. But the messages are different. They’re MODERN!



Have I ever told you all how much I hate text speak, or whatever they call this? It’s not cute, it makes you sound like an asshole. Just saying.



If you care, write me a nice letter. Send a card. Call me. Don’t text me. (Also, don’t send me a picture of your junk. This is not romantic. Time and a place, people!)


Hippies, or swingers? Who can tell? The mystery is half of the fun! (These ones aren’t new, I just liked how they showed up together in the package)

I’m not going to say changing these things is bad; I’m not quite ready to sit on my front porch and yell at kids to git offa my lawn*. Also, they’re candies. Who cares, right? We’re not talking about the downfall of civilization, here. But if you ever catch me using a phrase like 2 HOT 4 U in anything other than a mocking tone, please slap me. Hard.**

That’s it. No big message here. That’s X minutes of your life you’re never getting back.

Happy Almost-Valentine’s Day! *evil laugh*

*ask again after my birthday.

**I would not be at all surprised if you could get candy hearts with this on them.

UPDATE: You can get adult conversation hearts, but looking for them will do terrible things to your internet search history.


About Kate Sparkes

Kate Sparkes was born in Hamilton, Ontario, but now resides in Newfoundland, where she tries not to talk too much about the dragons she sees in the fog. She lives with six cats, two dogs, and just the right amount of humans. USA Today bestselling author of the Bound Trilogy (mature YA Fantasy), Into Elurien, and Vines and Vices. Writing dark, decadent, and deadly Urban Fantasy as Tanith Frost. View all posts by Kate Sparkes

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