Gore Warning (though I cut it off before the really nasty bit. You’re welcome.)
More from that vampire story, which is now tentatively titled (yay!) Resurrection. The crime scenes are pretty nasty. It’s not me, guys, it’s the rogues. I do worry that they went too far for me to show this story to anyone… they say you can’t kill kids or dogs in a story, but what if it’s just their bodies? Well, neither of either this week, anyway.
WIPpet math: 10/2 = 10-2 = 8 paragraphs. As noted in the title, this is poor Shivva’s second crime scene, and for anyone just joining us, Daniel is her trainer. She didn’t react well to the first set of bodies. Is #VampirePuke a valid hashtag? Poor thing’s trying to keep it analytical this time…
White carpets. No children, then. Everything is spotless, light and airy, until we reach the master bedroom.
At least they didn’t waste as much blood this time.
More bungee cords. Must have been a sale at Canadian Tire. The man is naked, tied into an antique chair that hardly looks like a comfortable place to relax– or to die. He’s slumped forward as far as the bonds will allow, jaw slack, eyes wide and staring down at his feet. The wounds on his neck stand out against his drained-pale skin. He would have needed to shave this morning if he was going to work, and I assume he has a regular job; his is hair short and freshly trimmed, and a charcoal-grey suit hangs neatly on a waist-high rack in the corner. The door to the bathroom stands open behind him. Clean. No surprise there.
I turn toward the bed that occupies the other half of the spacious room, a king-sized affair in dark wood. Blankets litter the floor, but I can’t see much else with Daniel standing in front of me. I move to push past him, and he places his hands on my arms. Not holding me back. Warning me. He leans in, and his broad chest fills my vision. “Shivva, take a second. I need you to keep it together this time.”
“I’ll be fine.”
He squeezes my upper arms and lets go.
I won’t be fine.
Keep it together, Shiv.
Looking for more (and probably more pleasant) WIPpet fun? Check out the linkie here, and add your own if you feel so inclined. The more the merrier! And go say “hi” to our host, KL Schwengel, who has returned to us from The Land That Blog Forgot.
In other news, I’m sorry I haven’t been posting here much this week (at all, actually), and I haven’t been commenting as much as I usually do. I’m taking a little time away, trying to figure some other things out, making some sh*t-or-get-off-the-pot-type decisions. I’ll be back, and in the meantime, I’ll try to visit all of the WIPpeteers and as many others as I can. ‘Cause, y’know, I like you guys a whole lot.
October 2nd, 2013 at 9:05 am
Ergh, doesn’t sound like this guy’s morning went the way he was expecting.
I also really like the “I’ll be fine” // I won’t be fine juxtaposition at the end there.
October 2nd, 2013 at 9:10 am
His wife didn’t do so well, either. This is one of those stories that makes me wish I could actually blame it on a muse, or something other than my own brain. I love the concept of my vampires, but the things that happen to the humans are just horrible, and I don’t know where that came from. I don’t even like crime novels/TV shows.
And yet I’m still writing it, aren’t I? I swear, it’s an addiction.
October 2nd, 2013 at 5:43 pm
Did you read the original Dracula? Or maybe research the early vampire legends? They’re not really the good guys…
October 2nd, 2013 at 5:49 pm
Yeah, I prefer them as monsters. It just seems strange to me that these gruesome scenes are coming from my happy little brain! I never planned to write vampires, but I’m glad mine aren’t nice guys. 🙂
October 2nd, 2013 at 10:02 pm
Enh. We all have dark sides. Might as well get them out in writing instead of behavior. 🙂
October 2nd, 2013 at 11:22 am
I actually want to know what Shivva is about to see – is that wrong? I love the details that get noticed – the white carpet, the clean bathroom, the suit, the antique chair – gives a real idea of who this person was.
October 2nd, 2013 at 11:32 am
That’s not wrong, that means I’m doing my job. 😉
October 2nd, 2013 at 11:44 am
“White carpets. No children, then.” – I laughed at this. Children & white anything certainly don’t go together. I’d like to know what they’re about to see too. Great excerpt. 🙂
October 2nd, 2013 at 1:37 pm
I agree with Kate here. What is it that Shivva wants to see? Whatever it is I wanna see it too!
October 2nd, 2013 at 1:53 pm
I love the thinking of being fine and then of not being fine. it’s a great dynamic that happens all the time.
October 2nd, 2013 at 5:47 pm
I like the fine/not fine also. 🙂
Were they at least sort of less brutal with the children? No torture at least? That’s what gets me. BUT, if you’re setting the bad guys up to be so hateful that we’re actually looking forward to a horribly violent death for them, torturing the kids would do it.
October 2nd, 2013 at 5:50 pm
Do you really want to know?
October 2nd, 2013 at 7:36 pm
October 2nd, 2013 at 7:45 pm
Okay. The rogues tied their mother up and tortured her so they could feed off of the children when they were in a state of perfect terror.
The aftermath of that is what made Shivva puke, when she figured out what had happened.
I DON’T LIKE THE BAD GUYS.
October 2nd, 2013 at 10:03 pm
*sniff, sniff* Yes. I do hope they die terrible deaths. I volunteer to help cook up something for them if you get stuck. >-)
October 2nd, 2013 at 6:11 pm
Hey, everyone has a dark side and we all need to explore it sometimes. Better to do that through our writing, don’t you think? This piece is great. The details that are noticed, the slight detachment with the scene that we get a feeling isn’t going to last when Shiva sees what’s in the bathroom . . .
October 2nd, 2013 at 6:19 pm
True enough. And it IS my bad guys doing these horrible things. The “good” vampires (haha) are in a lighter grey area, morally speaking.
October 3rd, 2013 at 12:07 am
You know, when I was young, Barbie used to die all the time in the living room, but she’d always come back to life. Ken was tied to the kitchen hamper because that was the witch’s dungeon where he was being held, and if you think I’m making these stories up, I could continue on down the list of just how dramatic and messed up my Barbie’s lives always were. Yet I’m a happy, optimistic person in real life. What it comes down to, is I enjoy drawing out emotion and finding the strength of the human spirit. In order to do that, they have to go through something bad. It doesn’t mean I LIKE the villain I’m creating. It doesn’t mean I AM the villain I’m creating. It just means. . . well, I like imagining things. And there’s a certain story I want to tell by creating a bad circumstance to draw out the good.
With that being said, this is definitely a creepy excerpt, and one I can easily see sitting on the Thriller shelves. I am shouting for joy that the vampires in this story are evil creatures and not sexy ones that women go weak in the knees over and fall in love with. Yay for a villain vampires!
October 3rd, 2013 at 3:16 pm
LOL! My Barbies used to live some very interesting lives as well, though the torture was usually reserved for my teenage mutant ninja turtles action figures!
October 3rd, 2013 at 3:18 pm
My Barbie enslaved legions of My Little Ponies. She’s so EVIL.
October 3rd, 2013 at 3:18 pm
Great excerpt! I love the “I’ll be fine”, “I won’t be fine” bit as well.