Today was a mess.
I’ve been doing pretty well with things the past few weeks, both at work and at home. Using my bullet journal to organize tasks, forcing myself to get to work most mornings even though my brain pushes back against it like one magnet forcing itself away from another, getting the housework done.
And today I stalled.
I could blame it on Facebook, since that’s where I spent too much time clicking on videos and articles and news tidbits, reading comments that weren’t worth the brain power I wasted interpreting them. Or I could blame it on the fact that the morning started with getting groceries and fielding a call where I had to answer questions about my focus and mental health issues, and there was chicken cooking, and and and…
But it’s me. It’s my brain. For some reason, the little tricks I’ve been employing to keep me on track are just not working. I had the beginnings of this last week, when the resistance to starting work got worse every day. Natural enough, given how hard the work I’m doing right now is, but it’s more than that. It’s not just resistance. It’s a frigging wall.
And it’s frustrating. Really frustrating. I know how good it would feel to finish this revision pass. I know how necessary it is for me to get this done. I want to do it. I’m excited about this story, dammit, and I want to see it done (and I definitely want to get on to drafting the next one).
I’m not going to go into why it’s not happening. Not here, not now. But I am going to make a plan.
I’m cutting myself off from Facebook for a week. And Twitter, though that’s no great loss. Maybe Instagram if I need to.
Starting tomorrow morning (because I promised a friend I’d drop by her FB release party tonight), I’m done.
A week probably won’t be enough to help me become mindful and focused, and it won’t change my brain. But maybe in that time my mind will come up with better distractions.
Reading would be a good one. I’d be fine wasting a day in a book rather than watching videos of Meryl Streep (much as I admire her) and purring lynx. Maybe I’ll go a little stir-crazy, and maybe that’s okay.
Maybe my brain will remember that my work is how it entertains itself, after all, and it will become a little quieter in here.
I feel like I need about three months completely away from social media to really rewire myself, but that’s not really an option for me.
But this will be something.
Wish me luck!