“It’s a cage that tells you that if your sexuality is too big, then you’re a slut. It’s a cage that tells you that if your sexuality is too small, then you’re a prude. It’s a cage that tells you that if you step inside or outside of that box, then your value as a human being has disappeared.”
Really interesting thoughts on this topic, and a beautifully expressed argument.
To the New York Times Magazine Editorial Staff –
Today you published an article with a deceptively casual title: “Unexcited? There May Be A Pill For That”. On its face, the article bears a simple enough premise: Studies have shown that levels of sexual arousal for women drop off after about one to four years of being in a committed relationship, whereas for men they tend to plateau but remain largely the same. This leads to all sorts of tension, anxiety, and lack of connection between partners. So a few researchers are doing clinical studies to find out whether there is a pharmaceutical compound that could boost these poor women’s libidos and make them desire their partners more, so that their marriages and relationships are happier and no longer in jeopardy.
At first, it seems innocuous enough: Women want better sex lives. What’s wrong with that? Why not, then, create…
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May 27th, 2013 at 10:45 am
Wow. A great letter. And yes, the woman seems to be the one “at fault” here. Grrr.
May 29th, 2013 at 12:01 am
Culturally women have been allowed to take responsibility for sexuality… Probably because for most of history we have to assume more (otherwise we could be faced with unwanted pregnancies and unavailable fathers). It’s a small step for being the one who has to be responsible* to being the one to blame when it doesn’t work the way someone wants it to….
* (as opposed to men who should be, but don’t have to be because they aren’t biologically built that way)
June 11th, 2013 at 4:10 pm
Your analysis is irrefutable – but perhaps you might consider going a step further.
It is as clear day that couples often diverge when it comes to their levels of sexual desire generally and their desire for one another, which is a separate issue.
Both men and women would be better served by “owning” their sexuality and expressing their desires (or the lack thereof). Of course, such honesty could be extremely disruptive to a long-term relationship. If there is a divergence, and the honesty to acknowledge it, then how can couples accomodate their different levels of desire without hurting one another? No pill is going to solve this fundamental and age-old dilemma.