No, it’s nothing you did. It’s nothing anyone did, it’s nothing that happened. It just is what it is. It happens. I have depression, it’s being treated (usually very successfully), but there are days when my brain goes all wacky anyway. I think it might be hormonal. Who am I kidding, it totally is. Both times I was pregnant, I spend 40 weeks wanting to be dead. Not wanting to kill myself, just kind of not wanting to exist anymore.
So yeah, my brain is topsy-turvy today, which lets in the negative thoughts that I have to fight off, but also leaves me with no energy to do so. Nice twist there, Mother Nature. Send someone to attack me, and magically make all of the knives in my kitchen disappear and paralyze me so I wouldn’t have been able to use them anyway.
Not much I can do except keep pushing back (praying, reframing and challenging negative thoughts, breathing deeply and trying not to scream at my family to leave me alone), and reminding myself that it will pass in a day or two. And yes, even at times like this, I’m grateful for the fact that I can assume that now. One of the worst things in the past was not knowing if or when it would get better.
Seriously, guys, depression sucks. I son’t recommend it.
Anyway, #ROW80. I doubt I’ll get much done today… Wednesday’s write-in with the writing ninjas* was great; I was only on for an hour and a half and got 1,500 words in, which is 150% of my daily goal. I clearly need more small-group word sprints in my life. I doubt I’m going to finish this novella before JuNoWriMo starts, so that’ll have to be put on hold for a while starting on the first. I’ve decided to re-draft Torn for JuNo, which I guess means that WIPpet Wednesdays next month might take us back to the world of Bound, which will be fun. For me, anyway.
Since my word count goals will have to shoot up next month to 1677 words a day (I prefer 2000 to give myself some wiggle room), I’m going to give myself some time off this week. Not OFF off… I’ll still be writing. I’m just not going to put a lot of pressure n myself to get 1,000 words a day in. That’s the beauty of ROW80, right? Real life interferes, you adjust your goals.
As for my reading goals, I’m not getting much done there, either. I need to shut down the computer more often and just read.
For more (and probably more cheerful!) Updates from the ROW80 crew, click here. 🙂
I’m going to leave you with a very deep thought that came to me through my “pending comments” folder. Somehow, this little gem slipped past the WordPress spam filter and made it to the “awaiting moderation” section.
“Your buy cheap viagra online chance to makeher adore you”
OH IF ONLY LIFE WERE THAT SIMPLE.
*Wednesdays at 8PM EST on Twitter, #NinjaWI. Sign up here… but I keep forgetting to update.