Happy Independence Day to my American friends! May we never forget the victory of the human will (Smith, and also Jeff Goldblum) over alien forces. That’s it, right? I may have learned American history from movies… 😉
What am I afraid of? Lots of things. Failure. Success. Regret.
But more than anything, I fear… THIS:
If you are, at this moment, screaming and trying to gouge your own eyes out and wondering what I just showed you, count yourself lucky, as this means you’ve never encountered the BASEMENT CENTIPEDE.
Hang on, I need to put some space between myself and that picture before I type any more.
There we go. Hang on…
OK, it’s gone. Anyway, that’s it. It’s completely irrational. I’ve never been harmed by one of these reclusive creatures, and I’m told they’re beneficial. How? I don’t know, because any time someone tries to tell me, I plug my ears and sing “la la la la la” until whoever is talking just gives me The Look and backs away.
I don’t mind spiders. Beetles sometimes startle me in the garden, but I actually think they’re pretty cool. I can catch a mouse or a snake if I have to and relocate it.
But basement centipedes (or gazillipedes, as they’re known in my brain)… just no. Nothing should have that many skinny little legs. Seriously, the first time I saw one it was in a bathtub, and it looked like a drain clog had come to life, fueled by my own nightmares.
Did I mention that these things move at a speed that can be measured in feet per second, and their legs move in waves?
NOT COOL, NATURE.
PS: I also have a horrible fear of using the telephone, but I don’t want to talk about it right now.