Happy Independence Day to my American friends! May we never forget the victory of the human will (Smith, and also Jeff Goldblum) over alien forces. That’s it, right? I may have learned American history from movies… 😉

Hoo, boy.

What am I afraid of? Lots of things. Failure. Success. Regret.

But more than anything, I fear… THIS:

If you are, at this moment, screaming and trying to gouge your own eyes out and wondering what I just showed you, count yourself lucky, as this means you’ve never encountered the BASEMENT CENTIPEDE.

Hang on, I need to put some space between myself and that picture before I type any more.

*shudder*

*shiver*

*whimper*

*scream*

*gag*

*shudder more*

There we go.  Hang on…

*NGAAAAAAHHHHHHFLURGL*

OK, it’s gone. Anyway, that’s it. It’s completely irrational. I’ve never been harmed by one of these reclusive creatures, and I’m told they’re beneficial. How? I don’t know, because any time someone tries to tell me, I plug my ears and sing “la la la la la” until whoever is talking just gives me The Look and backs away.

I don’t mind spiders. Beetles sometimes startle me in the garden, but I actually think they’re pretty cool. I can catch a mouse or a snake if I have to and relocate it.

But basement centipedes (or gazillipedes, as they’re known in my brain)… just no. Nothing should have that many skinny little legs. Seriously, the first time I saw one it was in a bathtub, and it looked like a drain clog had come to life, fueled by my own nightmares.

Did I mention that these things move at a speed that can be measured in feet per second, and their legs move in waves?

NOT COOL, NATURE.

Not cool.

–

PS: I also have a horrible fear of using the telephone, but I don’t want to talk about it right now.