Completely non-shocking confession: I’m a perfectionist.
I want everything I do to be perfect on the first try. Right away. Because something deep inside me thinks that if I’m not magically gifted at something, I shouldn’t try.
Now, I am also fully aware that this is BS, and I’m fighting it. It’s a stubborn mindset, though.
But I’m trying to change the way I look at risks, messes, and mistakes. Because sometimes? Sometimes you have to make a huge mess before you can create something beautiful, and you have to take a risk to get a reward.
I’m thinking about this today because I got my hair done. Well… half-done. It was getting dull after over a year of purple dye, and I wanted a fresh start from root to tip so I could get back to something brighter.
But do you know what happens when you bleach hair that’s been purple for 17 months?
Highlighter pink, that’s what happens.
I mean, I think it’s kind of fun, but it’s not the end result I’m going for. The point is, this little OMG this is not what I want what have I done mess is a step toward what I do want. A necessary step.
I couldn’t get what I want if I didn’t move through the mess.
(And honestly, I’m now considering going berry pink for a while before I return to the Land of Purple. Sometimes messes aren’t so bad.)
Hair is a tiny thing, but it reminds me of a whole lot of bigger stuff.
First drafts can be like this, too. I can plan everything and still make a mess of it when my fingers hit the keyboard. That happened to me not too long ago, when I got to the mid-point of a book I was SUPER excited to write and realized it just wasn’t working.
I could have called it a failure and walked away. But my mess showed me what, exactly, wasn’t working. And when I had a consultation call with my wonderful editor last night, I was able to talk through those problems. Now I can’t wait to get back to it and start over (though I do have some other stuff going on with that whole urban fantasy pen name thing…)
Life can be like that, too.
I’m working through a few medical issues right now that are kind of hit-or-miss with medications. We try stuff, maybe it works, maybe I feel like crap for a month while we wait to see whether I’ll adjust to it, maybe we try something else.
While this is going on, my productivity is lower than it would normally be. It sucks. I panic and want to stop trying. I get sick of feeling sick. I want to give up. But I’m taking a chance, hoping that getting through this mess will mean things will be so much brighter on the other side that it will be worth slogging through the side-effect circus.
I’m making a mess so I can make it better, tearing down walls instead of just wallpapering over the cracks, making a mess so I can rebuild something solid instead of settling for a cosmetic cover-up.
And whether it’s did you mean to do that?! pink hair, stress-inducing dead ends on projects, or just trying to get my *stuff* together in life, I’m trying to be okay with the mess. Not every step of every journey needs to be pretty or perfect, as long as I’m learning and growing and not stressing too much in the meantime.
At least, that’s what I’m trying to teach myself. 🙂
All of the “me, too” here!
That’s not to say it should be a lie, but more that, as I’ve learned, it often feels like one.
Lately, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to Imposter Syndrome, the feeling that you’re not actually worth your accomplishments and that, at any moment, someone could pop up and shout, “You! You aren’t actually the thing you claim to be, so sit down and stop pretending that you are!”
This sort of fear is good if you are, say, an actual fraud. Perhaps it will stop you from doing something fraudulent.
For the rest of us, it’s the irritating voice in our heads that stops us from celebrating/talking about/recognising our own achievements to anyone beyond our immediate toddlers or cats. And even then, it might be a whispered “Woohoo”.
Ever feel like this when people ask you about your goals and ambitions? This image basically sums up most of…
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Hey, everyone! I know, it’s been quiet here lately. I’ll be back with updates on my new project(s) soon. I’m just surfacing today to help the wonderful Krista Walsh reveal the cover of her upcoming release, Shadows in the Garden Hotel!
The Invisible Entente series is a current favourite of mine, and I can’t wait to see Allegra unleashed on the world. Best of all, the series is now going to be available on all retailers! Kobo and iBooks readers, start your engines.
Take it away, Krista!
*hands handkerchief to clean up drool*
Once you’re ready, feel free to check out the blurb for the story that’s coming your way on April 18th:
All Allegra Rossi needs is her beauty, expensive champagne, designer clothes, and enough souls to keep her succubus appetites satisfied.
Everything seems to be in place until a photo shoot at New Haven’s prestigious — and supposedly haunted — Garden Hotel sets her dreams for a perfect life crumbling. Not only has her handsome, charismatic boss captured her interest, threatening the careful restraints she’s placed around her succubus nature, but the hotel’s reputation turns out to be true. Worse: the specter has targeted Allegra as its next victim
If Allegra wants to stay alive and keep her heart intact, she will have to unleash her demonic instincts to shed light into the darkness before the shadows consume her.
As of today, The Invisible Entente series will be leaving the Kindle Select program and migrating to other distributors, including iBooks, Nook, and Kobo, as well as Amazon
Song of Wishrock Harbor and Shadows in the Garden Hotel will migrate over in April 2017. To be the first to know about these releases, be sure to sign up for my mailing list by following this link http://eepurl.com/GIJkz
Okay, so I’m not exactly starting out as an indie author, but I am still pretty excited to grab a copy and give it a read! Ruth’s blog is a fantastic and honest look at writing and publishing as an indie author, and I’ve been eagerly awaiting this book. It’s on sale now!
Starting Out as an Indie Author has finally been published as an eBook! It took me longer than I expected, but then, what doesn’t, right? 🙂 It’s available now at most major retailers:
You can find other retailers on Books2read: books2read.com/u/4jKvPY
For the month of March, I’m offering a special introductory price of only 99c to get the ball rolling. I can’t reduce the price on Kobo yet, however, because I signed up for a promo where the minimum price must be at least 2.99. Writing this blog post, I also noticed that the sale price has not gone through everywhere. Soon, I promise!
Here’s the book description and table of contents:
Starting Out as an Indie Author
A Beginner’s Guide to Preparing, Publishing and Marketing Your EBooks
Have you written your first book and are considering self-publishing? Perhaps you have started…
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