Tag Archives: humor

FRACTURED FAIRY TALE FRIDAY: Black & Blue Edition

Once upon a time, the Empress called the finest seamstress in the land to her chambers.

“I require a dress,” the Empress announced. “One that shall be the talk of the land. For it is nearly my birthday, and I wish to be the centre of attention.”

“Of course,” the seamstress said, and curtseyed.

Days later, the Empress tried on her new dress. “Fantastic!” she cried. “The white and gold really complement my hair.”

Her servants exchanged nervous glances. “It’s blue and black,” whispered the chambermaid.

The royal toilet-flusher hushed her. “Never contradict the Empress,” she said, but the Empress heard.

“What is this nonsense?” she asked. “The dress is white and gold. It’s clear as my porcelain skin.”

“My bad,” the chambermaid replied.

“Aah, yes,” the seamstress said. “You see, only the wisest and most worthy will see the dress as white and gold. It appears blue and black to the low. Both are terribly flattering, I assure you.”

The Empress hit the streets. Within minutes the city was in turmoil. Those who saw blue and black hurled boots at those who saw white and gold, while ‘team white and gold’ jeered and insulted their enemies’ grandmothers. Families were torn in two. Life-long loyalties were destroyed. Novelty tee shirt merchants and meme-smiths made a fortune.

A pair of llamas broke free from the Royal Llamary and raced through the streets.

Eventually the dust cleared. Grudging apologies echoed through the streets, and a special lost-and-found was set up for boots (though not for insulted grandmothers).

And when the dust cleared, the people discovered that the seamstress had cleared out the royal treasury during the commotion.

She is now a professional celebrity with four million Instagram followers.

THE END

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Strength 101 (Or How to Be a Strong Female Character)

Hey, guys! A.M. Liebowitz invited me to do a guest post on her blog, and this morning she posted my short story “Strength 101”

It’s a fun look at what happens when a bunch of fictional characters attend a class on how to be “Strong Female Characters,” and how things don’t go exactly as planned.

Seriously. Good times for your Friday.

And while you’re there, check out the sidebar links to A.M. Liebowitz’s upcoming release “Lower Education.” I got all spendy and pre-ordered this one. We’ve met the main characters on WIPpet Wednesdays, and they’re amazing. 🙂

Here’s the link to the story.

Enjoy!


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