Author Archives: Kate Sparkes

About Kate Sparkes

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Kate Sparkes was born in Hamilton, Ontario, but now resides in Newfoundland, where she tries not to talk too much about the dragons she sees in the fog. She lives with five cats, two dogs, and just the right amount of humans. USA Today bestselling author of the Bound Trilogy (mature YA Fantasy), Into Elurien, and Vines and Vices. Writing dark, decadent, and deadly Urban Fantasy as Tanith Frost. www.katesparkes.com www.tanithfrost.com

Would You Rather Be Right, or Kind?

It’s a question that’s been attacking me from several angles this week.

It started, I suppose, with a Facebook post from Grammarly called “25 Common Phrases That You’re Saying Wrong”. It was an interesting post, listing commonly misused phrases and the correct versions. Go have a look, I’ll wait.

Fun, right? I’ve been saying all of them correctly except for number four, but I found the (repeated) explanations in the comments section very interesting. I also realized that I don’t use the phrase “you’ve got another thing/think coming,” because I can’t think of a situation when using that wouldn’t be rude or condescending. But that’s not the point.

The comments were enlightening in another way. Many of the comments were of the “I didn’t know that, thanks!” variety,  some were debating the correctness of numbers four and 24, and seemingly hundreds were of the “It’s WRONGLY, not WRONG, dumbass” variety. But a number of comments ran in the self-righteous, “I’ve never used any of these phrases incorrectly, and anyone who has is an idiot. Why bother speaking English if you can’t do it properly?” vein.

As I was reading through the comments, a realization bit me on the nose. Are you ready for it?

These people sound like assholes, and I don’t want to be one of them.

Yes, it bothers me when people use the wrong form of “your/you’re” in anything more formal than a Facebook status, because I think clarity in expression is important, and glaring errors distract me from the message a person is trying to convey or the story they’re trying to tell.  I have been tempted to carry post-it notes and a black Sharpie in my purse so I can correct errors on signs without actually committing vandalism. I think it’s ridiculous that “irregardless” is in the dictionary, and that “literally” is now literally defined as “figuratively.”

I love English, messy pawn-shop of a language that it is, and I cringe when it’s (not its) abused.

But I’ll tell you something: I don’t love it enough to think that it’s more important than being kind. I don’t ever want to be one of those small-minded jerks who reads someone’s tweet about their dog dying and corrects the message’s grammar instead of offering sympathy.

Perfect example of what I mean: In the comments on that Grammarly post, several people said that when they ask someone, “How are you?” and the person says “Good,” they want to walk away from the conversation.

Did you catch that? Because someone said “good” instead of “well,” these self-proclaimed grammar nazis* consider that person beneath them, not worthy of notice or care. They’re more concerned with a correct response than with the fact that maybe that person said “good” with a tear in her eye or a dishonest wobble in his voice.

No, they’d rather be right than be kind.

I don’t want to be like that. I also don’t want to deal with people like that, so I think from now on I’m going to say “good” whenever someone asks me how I’m doing.  That should weed a few of them out.

This issue goes far beyond grammar, of course. That was just the first incandescent brain-flash I got this week. It applies to so many things in life. Take Batfleck (or whatever people are calling this “issue”). I understand thinking that someone made a bad casting decision for a movie. I also understand that this is important to many people. Discussing these things can be interesting, and expressing passion is important.

But when you look at the comments on Twitter and the posts on Facebook, something becomes apparent very quickly. People are more concerned with seeming clever than with the fact that they’re ripping an actual human being apart with their personal insults. “I think _______ would have been a better choice for Batman” is an opinion, and there’s nothing wrong with it. “Dare-Douche can’t be batman” is also an opinion, but it’s attempting to be hurtful to a real person. It’s also not particularly clever, and there are a lot out there that are far crueler, but you get my point. People are going for laughs, for “look how clever and wonderful I am” rather than trying to actually add something relevant and useful to the discussion.

Again, they’d rather be right (or funny, or admired by their Twitter followers) than be kind.

Have you looked at reviews of popular books on Goodreads lately? Scandals and kerfuffles aside, there are a whole lot of negative reviews that consist entirely of GIFs and statements like “_________ is the worst writer ever and should give up now” and “nice try, sweetie, better luck next time.”

I can’t and won’t claim that I’m innocent in this. I’ve made fun of celebrities who I won’t name here. I get frustrated when people are famous for being famous, or for apparently being pregnant for two years, or for spreading glitter and bad decisions like confetti. I’ve wondered out loud how people can enjoy certain books that are either badly-written or that make pre-teen girls swoon over stalkers. And there’s a place for honest criticism, for talking about the larger issues that these things bring to light, for sharing concerns over young women flocking to Twitter to beg a certain singer to beat them up because he’s OMG SO HAWT. But when it comes to the balance of being right or kind, I’m going to be making some changes. I’m going to make sure that when I share my opinions I’m focusing on my concerns or on the issues– not on insulting the celebrity/author/politician in a personal way, and certainly not on insulting the people who love their work.

This isn’t about pretending everything is sunshine and rainbows, or wanting to buy the world a Coke, or why can’t we all just get along, guys? There’s a place for honest criticism, for fans expressing their opinions on casting decisions in movies, and for defending the integrity of our language (b3caws engush is gr8, guise). There are issues that need to be discussed, even if there are people who are going to have their feelings hurt because they have different opinions. I’m not saying that I’m going to hold in my thoughts and opinions until I explode, just because I think someone won’t like what I say.

This is about me (just me) trying to make a small change. Before I open my mouth or set fingers to keyboard, I’m going to take a minute to ask, “why am I saying this?” If I’m adding to a discussion in a productive way, or if I’m offering gentle correction because I want to help someone or improve a situation, I’ll go ahead. If I’m just talking for the sake of talking, if I’m trying to sound clever or make myself feel smart because I’m right and someone else is wrong, or if I’m saying something that’s hurtful to someone on a personal level, I’m going to back off.

I’ve decided that for me, being kind is more important than being right. It’s not going to be easy to let go of my snarkiness over celebrities; I suspect I’ll be a work in progress for quite some time.

But there you go. I’m going to try.

(Please forgive me if none of this made sense. There’s an invisible troll trying to drive a foot-long section of rebar through the right side of my cranium this morning, and it’s throwing me off a bit.)

*Yes, a phrase with its own significant problems, but we’ll leave that for another time. This is dragging on as it is.


ROW, ROW, ROW Your Words (Sunday Update)

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Well, well, here we are again. I’ve had so many thoughts about blog posts this week, and haven’t actually written any of them. I have no good excuse for that, so I’m just going to move right along…

A Round of Words in 80 Days is the writing challenge that understands that you have a life, and thank goodness for that. Let’s see how this week has been going:

I’m still editing… kind of. Until I finish getting feedback, I’m hovering in the “festering thoughts” phase, and not actually writing. Sounds lovely, doesn’t it? “Brewing” would also do, as would “cautious approach and retreat.” I have this story that needs a bit of fixing, but every time I try to sit and approach the problems head-on, they fight back. I have an idea, I try to examine it, and I realize that it won’t work. Everything I change has a ripple effect, changing other aspects of the story that were working just fine, or even changing the basic message and theme of the story.

Not so much what I was looking for.

But I think I’ve got a new approach to try. See, the problem with the problems is that most of them are at the beginning of the story. An ending would be easier to change; a beginning affects everything that comes after. When I start at the beginning and consider a big change, it doesn’t work… so I’m going to try working backwards. Start with the smaller problems and single-scene problems later in the story, then ask, “what led to this?”

It’s still not going to be easy, but at least it’s less intimidating, and sometimes just looking at things from another angle can shake a person’t thoughts up enough that a solution becomes clear. I’m also not doing and “sit and think” brainstorming sessions; it’s too frustrating, and I’m easily distracted. Right now I’m letting things percolate while I’m resting, walking, doing the dishes, etc. This works better for me, as the thoughts float around and come together like pieces of a puzzle. You know, one of them there floaty-like puzzles.

…It’s probably for the best that I’m not fixing similes and metaphors right now, eh?

So there’s my editing update.

Actually, that’s all I have to update. Oh, for those of you following along at home, I did get to the doctor on Friday, and got my prescription renewed. My hip’s almost better, and I’m back to walking the dog when I can, so here’s hoping that my mood, motivation, and creativity are all back to normal before school starts. Why? Because, my darlings, both of my kids are going to be in school in the mornings, and that means that if I can find the energy and sense of purpose I need, I’ll have time to sit and write.

It’s a little intimidating, actually. No more excuses. If I can manage to keep up on housework and everything else during the rest of the day, I can pretty much make writing a part-time job.

True, it’s a part-time job that pays absolutely nothing, but we’ll just stick a pin in that and let it rest for now. Not the point.

Wish me luck.


New Story For You: WIPpin’ it good again, and ROW80

No, I’m not back to my regular works in progress, but I couldn’t stay away any longer. Wouldn’t want the WIPpeteers to forget me entirely. *sniffle*

So what the heck am I doing for WIPpet Wednesday? Well, according to a recent amendment to the rules, we can post the beginning of something new if we have nothing from our current work in progress to show, we can start something new. So this morning (yes, leaving it to the last minute, I was sewing Barbie pants last night) I whipped up a little something I was contemplating yesterday while I was out picking blueberries.

You’ll see the connection very quickly. 🙂

Today is the 21st… this is the first 23 paragraphs of the story. I’m sorry, but cutting off the last few lines of the scene just seemed mean. Forgive the first-draftiness. But hey, I’m here! That’s something, right? Actually, this is kind of a story in itself. I may or may not continue…

Yum.

Yum.

“And that’s when the dragon ate her. The End.” Gran chomped her teeth together and grinned, eyes sparkling.

I snorted. “I had no idea dragons even liked blueberries,” I said, and settled on my haunches to reach a few sweet berries nestled beneath a spruce.

“Oh, they don’t particularly.” She twisted a thick strand of iron-grey hair behind her ear, pinning it beneath the arm of her glasses. “But they’re a might territorial, my dear, and unlikely to pass up a meal.” She stood and stretched her back, rolling her shoulders forward and back. “Especially not a tender, tasty morsel like that. You know, she probably looked a lot like you. Young woman, strong, tender. Blueberry-filled.”

I turned to her and tossed a handful of berries into my mouth, and we both laughed as juice squirted out between my lips and down my chin. I wiped it on the sleeve of my red plaid shirt.

My grandmother had always told unconventional bedtime stories, even when I was a child. Princesses found their way out of ogres’ lairs without the assistance of princes, the old witch in the woods occasionally saved Hansel and Gretel from their abusive parents, and no one was guaranteed a happy ending. At eighteen I had long outgrown my need to be tucked in when my family visited Gran in Newfoundland, but I still enjoyed the stories on rainy days, and they helped pass the time during chores.

Gran winced and rubbed her knuckles.

“Are you all right?”

“Of course,” she said. “Rain coming, though.”

I glanced up at the blue sky, streaked with a few high mare’s tails. Cirrus, I reminded myself. I kept two sets of names in my mind for most of the natural world: the Proper Names, and Gran’s Names. She always listened with polite and amused interest when I shared names from my field guides, then went back to explaining the useful properties of whatever plant we were examining at the time. I looked at the clouds again. Mare’s tails. Gran’s names were always better.

She crouched beside me and resumed her efficient plucking. “D’you have a story for me today, my treasure?”

“Maybe later?” I asked, and she nodded. It was so easy for her, telling her stories as she worked, the ones she’d learned when she was a child, fables from her family or her isolated community, or those she’d made up herself as she raised her children. I was a storyteller, myself, but I had loftier ambitions. Fame. Fortune. An adoring fan-base who would devour very word I came out with, if only I could find the courage to share those words.

Not yet. The words weren’t ready yet. They had to be perfect before I could share them.

I stretched my own stiff back. “Excuse me for a minute? Lemonade’s catching up with me.”

Gran nodded, and I wandered off to find a likely-looking spot in the bushes.

“Mind you don’t wander too far,” she called after me. “They say they found that poor girl’s charred bones not far from here.”

I smiled and nodded, hoping she was joking. My mother worried that Gran was growing senile. I usually told her that she was being overprotective of her mother-in-law, that Gran was just being fanciful when she talked about the fairies in the garden. Sometimes, though, she seemed to believe her own tall tales, and I wondered whether Mom was right.

A few minutes later I pulled up my jeans and rinsed my hands as well as I could in a cold stream. A patch of sunlight on the other side lit a berry patch, packed with promising-looking blue clusters. Best time of year, I thought, and hopped from stone to half-submerged stone across the stream. I thought about going back to tell Gran where I was going, but I wouldn’t be gone long. I’d just check it out, then go back and let her know. I didn’t want her to wet her boots in the stream, anyway.

The berries were like nothing I’d ever seen or tasted. Large, juicy, and impossibly flavorful— I couldn’t resist eating as I went. Without realizing I was doing it, I followed what looked like a path deeper into the woods, stepping forward to reach each tantalizing bush as it came into view.

When I looked up, the shadows were long. I pulled out my phone, but the battery was dead. It wouldn’t have done me any good to try to call Gran, not out here where there was no signal to speak of, but I’d have liked a sense of the time. Was she worried? I turned to run back toward the stream, but the path was gone.

“Gran?” I called, but the sound seemed to disappear in the trees. I cupped my hands around my mouth. “Gran?” No response. Don’t panic. Fine advice, of course, but my racing heart didn’t want to hear it, and my skin broke out in a cool sweat.

We weren’t far from civilization. Someone would find me. I just hoped Gran wouldn’t try to search on her own. To pass the time and distract my mind, I stepped into a clearing and crossed to look at a strange tree that grew on the far side. Its thick, twisted trunk was covered in deep and regular scars, as though someone had been at the bark with a knife. Long branches drooped toward the ground, covered in deep pink, heart-shaped leaves. I inhaled. The smell was sweet, and somehow comforting. I wanted to touch the leaves, but resisted. I wasn’t going to risk a rash on top of being lost.

I spun toward a rustling sound behind me, sending a few berries flying from my over-full basket. My throat tightened as a sleek, green head appeared from beneath a clump of bushes, followed by a sinuous neck covered in shining scales. The lips on the pointed snout pulled back in something like a sneer, revealing dozens of teeth that looked razor-sharp, and glowed white in the shadows.

The creature chuckled, and every hair on my body stood on end. A hiss burst from the long throat, and golden eyes looked me up and down. My stomach clenched as the beast smiled. “Who’s been eating my berries?”

So there you go. This is what I think about when I’m picking berries. What will happen? Do you think she’ll get chomped?

If you’re looking for more (and probably shorter) WIPpety goodness, check out the linkie here. Good times, good times. If you want to join in, post a snippet of a work in progress corresponding to today’s date on your own blog (21 lines, a few paragraphs from page 21, whatever). Or start something new! You could end up like our dear host, K.L. Schwengel, and have WIPs climbing all over you like needy quadruplets, begging for attention! FUN!

ROW80

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OK, I’ve already said that I haven’t been doing much actual writing (as in, the writing I’m supposed to be doing), but that can wait for now. I am getting other goal-related things done. The pony I was working on just needs hair and touch-ups, and I’m now customizing a Barbie doll for my son’s birthday, because for some reason there’s no Beothuk Barbie, and he wants one. Go figure. I’m trying to keep up with meal-planning for the family, and we’re doing some Big Fun Things. Today I was planning to take the boys out to a book signing, but they’re not behaving very well this morning, so that might not happen.

Reading goals: I read Outlander in three days this week. That’s a lot of words (as in, almost 300,000). I really enjoyed it– obviously. Great story and characters. I did find myself a bit distracted my the extreme adverb abuse in the dialogue tags, but I think I’m getting better at just enjoying stories again.

Really, though. In the space of three paragraphs we get “he said, rather grumpily,” “I said nastily,” and “I demanded ungramatically,” which actually made me giggle out loud. The phrase “his hands digging bruisingly into my flesh” was also… present elsewhere.

Otherwise, though, I had a good time. Highly recommended. Great sex scenes, too, detailed without being graphic. That’s a tough balance to achieve, and I can see why so many people mention this book when the subject comes up. It was also a nice change to enjoy a book where the story is allowed to take some time to unfold, where descriptions aren’t rushed and no one is perfect.  I look forward to reading the next book in the series, AFTER I get through more of my TBR pile.

So there you go, my goal updates, in higgledy-piggledy form. For more Round of Words updates, give this here a click.

Bye for now!


Something Odd, Something… something.

Just a little end-of-week blog clean-up here, a few updates and addendums, a fiddle-dee-dee and a hi-dee-ho, and I really need to get my meds refilled.

I didn’t participate in WIPpet Wednesday this week. Again. Between depression issues and being uncertain about a few things that I won’t bore you with, I’m not working on WIPs right now. I did write a flash fiction piece the other night, but that wasn’t appropriate for the blog hop, so… no post. But I am reading everyone’s entries when I get the chance. I don’t always have the energy (or technology) to comment, but I’m there, and I’m reading, and you guys are all fantastic.

And now for something completely different! I posted pictures of the albino axolotl on Facebook (remember this guy?)

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“Hai again.”

…and a friend of mine posted this in response.  So I’m passing it on, because it’s Friday, and why not?

That might get stuck in your head. I’m sorry.

Another update from that same post: Remember Long Dick’s Sausage Emporium, and how it was closed when we went? Well, we weren’t the only ones who missed out.

Tweet from Marianas Trench:  https://twitter.com/mtrench/status/365558817469112321

So at least I’m in good company? I guess?

I feel like there was something else that I was going to say here, but it’s gone. My brain’s not working so good. Here’s hoping I can make an appointment with my doctor soon (don’t even get me STARTED on how impossible that is). I wasn’t kidding about the meds. At least loopy-brain isn’t life-threatening, right?

Right?


Eat Poop Now Cat

If you have no sense of humor, don’t like having fun, or are very easily offended, you can skip this one. For everyone else, I offer my favourite game.

Eat Poop Now Cat: Easy, fun, insane, and no one loses. Well, you might lose control of your bladder if that’s a thing for you. It happens.

I almost never get to play this one, because it really only works with groups larger than four people. If you have a group like that, though, give this one a shot. I’ve played with my parents, my grandparents, and friends much closer to my own age, and it’s been hysterical every time.

Eat Poop Now Cat is… well, first of all, is probably not the original or proper name for this game, but it’s how I was introduced to it, and it works for me. It’s sort of a combination of Telephone and Pictionary.

Here’s how we do it:

Everyone needs a piece of paper and a pen. That’s it. Each player writes a sentence (ANY sentence) at the top of the page, and you pass to the player on the left. That player draws a picture of that sentence, trying not to take up more than a few inches of vertical space. That player then folds the paper, hiding the original sentence but leaving the picture visible, and passes to the left again. The next player sees the picture, and writes a sentence based on that picture.

Every paper is moving at the same time, so every player should be drawing or writing at the same time.

Play continues this way, passing in one direction, always folding so that only the previous player’s sentence or drawing is visible, until the papers get back to their original player, or until you run out of room. The only condition is that you ALWAYS end with a sentence written, not on a picture. Then pass one more time.

Then it gets fun. You might have had a few titters, giggles, guffaws or “WTF?” looks before this, but here’s the payoff. One by one, the players unfold their papers and read out loud the original sentence, and then the final one.

The first round, if people are learning the game, might be a bit tame. Give it another round. I have never played this and NOT had things get either ridiculous, nonsensical, surreal, or dirty, depending on who I’m playing with. Always play multiple rounds, and be sure to pass in the opposite direction on each round to keep things interesting.

Examples? Of course I brought examples!

This is what your papers will look like at the end. Sentence, drawing, sentence, drawing, etc. And no worries if you can’t draw. It makes things SO much more interesting!

Language in this first one…

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Here we’ve gone from “three blind mice miss their tails” to “Three blind mice versus the martians.” I think it has summer blockbuster potential. You cans see the progression, though. It’s… interesting.

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This one made my dad laugh harder than I’ve ever seen before. We went from “Wendy thinks Sean Connery is hot” (which is the sentence my dad wrote) to “The Titanic had seasick Ghostbusters at a reasonable temperature, broken bits of thing made it snow on Santa, who looked a bit like GIR,” which he had to read out loud.

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“You can’t read my poker face” became “An angry hedgehog is trying to read his book while a zombie teacher tries to hypnotize children to say zzzzzz.”

OK, so it’s funnier when you’re involved in the game. Really, give it a try ASAP. Good times.

One more? OK, but fair warning: gnomes and dildos ahead.

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“Butterflies and snapdragons are man-eating zombies” morphed into… “Dead zombies, bludgeoned by lawn gnomes were observed by a half-witted child, jumping rope,” by way of “Three people were dead, but some jump rope and nosediving brain splatter followed by two gnomes with a dildo lead to only two people being dead.”

Well, we preserved the zombies, anyway. So to speak.

Yes, there is a board game something like this, the totally-less-interestingly-named Cranium Scribblish. But why would you want to do that when you can have hilarity like this at a fraction of the cost? And also, you get to say “Eat Poop Now Cat” to your friends. Wicked icebreaker.

If any of you do try this out, please, PLEASE share your results and report back to me!


St. John’s Days

We spent a few days in St. John’s at the beginning and end of our vacation this summer. It’s a good thing, too; trying to go from our tiny town to Hamilton and back without some kind of smaller-city buffer would be like trying to go to the depths of the ocean and back to the surface without any pause for pressure adjustment.

What I’m saying is, we’d have been crushed or exploded.

We didn’t do much tourist-type stuff this time. Maybe it was the knowledge that we were going to be doing beaucoup de shit in Ontario (pardon my french), or the threat to our budget, but we laid pretty low. AJ got his tattoo re-inked before our flight out, so that took up a whole day. Seriously. The guy had set a 4-5 hour block of time aside; it took more than eight. LONG day with the kids!

That’s not what we’re here to talk about. There are a few semi-random things I want to show you, though, and they are threefold.*

First, the weather in St. John’s.

This is a picture I took from the car the evening we came back into the city:

It's a pretty town. Have I mentioned that?

It’s a pretty town. Have I mentioned that?

…and the weather when we woke up the next morning:

Really?!

Really?!

Really. Welcome to Newfoundland. 🙂

The second thing is a few photos from a pet store, and a couple of interesting creatures we met there.

The caiman, who is NOT FOR SALE and DISPLAY ONLY:

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“Boo.”

…and the albino axolotl, which I had seen pictures of before but never encountered in real life. Friends, it’s super creepy, and almost cute. Sort of. Creepicute.

"Ohai."

“Ohai.”

Weird, right? Tiny little alien monster thing. Totally for sale, though. $90 and he’s yours!

No takers?

Moving right along, then…

We thought we’d try to grab a couple of Long Dick’s while we were in town. Don’t leave! This isn’t going where you think it is. We just wanted some meat to stuff in our faces, and we’d heard fantastic things about this sausage truck across from Mile One stadium. Long Dick’s Sausage Emporium.

See?

See?

Sadly, we did not get any of that hot, juicy sausage. That weekend was the annual George Street Festival, and the guy who owns this was keeping late hours. I never would have thought it would be impossible to get some street meat in downtown St John’s on a Saturday afternoon, but there you go. We tried, and we will try again. My husband is totally on board with this mission now. WE WILL HAVE OUR LONG DICK’S!

And here’s the Long Dick’s story, for anyone who’s interested:

Yeeeeah, history!

Yeeeeah, history!

Hmm… looks like the picture got cut off. Well, just know that it’s about rum running and three boys called Little Dick, Long Dick, and Goat Dick, and that’s pretty much all you need to know about Newfoundland’s history.

I kid. The history here is actually fascinating. But really, Goat Dick.

*Cough*

So let’s end on a less awkward note. A picture of me kissing a giant puffin, perhaps? Well, not kissing him… that thing is filthy. But I liked it, anyway.

Between the puffin, the Tim Horton's cup, the Avalon mall and the Labraorite necklace, this may be the newfiest I'll ever get.

Between the puffin, the Tim Horton’s cup, the Avalon mall and the Labraorite necklace, this may be the newfiest picture I’ll ever get of me.

Thanks for visiting the city with me. I’ll be back soon with that party game I promised (which I think made my dad laugh so hard he almost threw up), and pictures of that barkery. No, I can’t get them off of my camera, but I’ll send family members to get more for me if I have to!

“He had his reasons.”
“They were threefold.”

Anyone?


Product Review: What the…

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So here’s the story: I was at my grandparents’ house, and there was a HUGE bag of this stuff on a shelf. My aunt told me that it’s AMAZING, that a friend of hers claims to have gained 10 lbs just because of this sweet and salty snack.

Perhaps not the sort of endorsement they’d prefer, but impressive, nonetheless.

Fast-forward to the day after we got home from our vacation. I was in Gander for much-needed groceries (after 2 weeks away, the perishables had pretty much perished), but it was a holiday. The grocery store was closed. Freaking WALMART was closed. Shoppers Drug Mart was the only place open that sold milk, eggs, bread, and hot dogs. Those are the four food groups, right? Well, they also happen to sell this stuff, so I grabbed a smaller bag, excited to see what all the fuss was about.

In case you can’t see the picture clearly, this is G.H. Cretors “Chicago Mix” popcorn. That is, caramel corn and cheddar cheese corn, all mixed together in one bag. To be honest, the thought made me a little ill, but come on. 10 lbs!

So how was it?

I don’t want to insult anyone from Chicago, but you people are NUTS.

Remember that episode of FRIENDS when Rachel made trifle with sauteed beef and peas? In the words of Ross Gellar:

That may be a slight exaggeration. If you get a strict 1:1 cheese-to-caramel ratio, it’s palatable. If you separate the popcorns, neither is horrible (though I’ve had others of each that I’ve liked more). But yeah, most of the bag ended up in the garbage.

Hey, I get the sweet-and-salty thing; this is why they invented chocolate-covered pretzels, which I heartily endorse as a concept. I eat poutine, for crying out loud. French fries with gravy and cheese curds. I know this sounds gross to many people who haven’t tried it, but SO GOOD. Also, the Pulled Pork Poutine at New York Fries (pulled pork in BBQ sauce over fries and cheese curds) is to DIE for. So it’s not that I’m opposed to weird flavour combinations.

This one just did NOT do it for me.

*Goes back to dipping Wendy’s fries in a chocolate Frosty*

Oh, yeeeeah.


ROW80 Update: Not a Damn Thing

Yep, that’s what I’ve been up to, but I’m about ready to get back at it. I don’t even feel too badly about it; I’ve been writing almost every day for a year. I deserved a few weeks to rest my brain.

So what have I been doing?

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I’m actually working on that pony* I need to have done by the end of the month. It’s strange getting back to it; I haven’t had a paint brush in my hands since the winter. Possibly before Christmas, actually. Feels good. Also, I find that doing something creative that’s NOT writing gives my brain space to think things through without my conscious mind censoring, and sometimes it’s a good way to get around problems and blocked thought processes.

So that was actually a ROW80 goal, which means that I AM making progress on something.

What else have I been doing? Well, if you follow me on Twitter you might know that I hurt my hip this week, totally NOT while I was shaving my legs (though I’m still working on a cooler cover story). That’s right. I tell Twitter things I don’t tell you guys. I AM A MYSTERIOUS AND COMPLEX WOMAN. This was several days ago. The first evening and day after The Amazing Adventure Which Led To My Injury (TBA) were horrible- I couldn’t walk without leaning on walls, furniture, people, floors.

That’s right. I didn’t fall down. I was leaning on the floor. There’s a difference!

Thanks to beaucoup de Advil and as much rest as the kids would let me get, I’m almost better. Still hurts, still a little stiff, still don’t know what I hurt, but I’m hoping to get back to taking Jack for at least a short walk tomorrow. The poor guy is getting really depressed over the lack of walkage happening around here.

"Kill me now."

“Kill me now.”

So the answer is, I haven’t been doing much. Made those awesome chicken fingers the other night, overcooked them. Hint: don’t do that. Made meatballs last night, I’m told they were good. I don’t know, I hate ground beef, so I’m kind of a terrible judge. Cooked wild-blueberry pancakes, and they were amazing. Made my way downstairs to do laundry yesterday, cleaned out the litter boxes… ALL OF THE FUN THINGS, I HAVE BEEN DOING THEM.

I also had the privilege of alpha reading a fantastic novel, and the horrifying responsibility of sending feedback. I hate doing that. Even when a story is great, you want to do what you can to make it the best it can be, but you know that it’s probably going to sting the author a bit. I find it easier to give a critique than to take one, but it still isn’t easy. I think doing both helps us grow as writers and as creative people; in fact, critiquing someone else’s work can open our eyes to potential flaws in our own and help us gain objectivity toward our own writing. It’s win-win, really.

So, goals for this week: We’re going to be at the in-laws’ for a few days, which means little to no editing time for me, but I’m going to take the computer and give it a shot. I’ve nearly settled on the things I’m going to change in my novel before it goes to the next round of readers. Next step: locate the exact places that need changes, and figure out how to do that.

Easy, right?

Yeah. Easy as moving one ace in a house of cards without disrupting everything else.

Aaaaanyway. I’m also going to get around to some more ROW80 blogs today and on Wednesday, and I’m going to try to put something together for WIPpet Wednesday. I got to comment on most entries there last week, but haven’t posted in two weeks. I miss it. We’ll see.

And I’m still trying to get those pictures off of my stupid camera so I can finish telling you about our Ontario trip. Wish me luck!

What are you up to this week?

(for more of those Round of Words entries I’m going to be reading, click here!)

*For any collectors who may be freaking out, here’s the info: she was a Majesty, play set edition (aka “receding hairline edition). She had a slight head-body mismatch, her symbols were almost gone, and the new paint job is covering “pony cancer” and ink stains on both sides. What I’m saying is that yes, she was bait condition.


What Have We Learned Today, Children?

My older son is into Lego now. Big time. He wants all of the big sets (especially all things Star Wars), but as these are horrendously expensive and I want him to create things on his own, we’re sticking with smaller sets that can be mixed up in the Bucket o’ Legos and made into new things.

His latest adventure is building every version of the DeLorean from the Back to the Future movies. It starts with a base from a tractor set, and has bits added from there. Steering wheel, dashboard computer, the bit where the garbage goes in… he does it all, and he’s very proud of his creations.

Until he drops them on the floor.

This is one disadvantage of Lego toys, and another reason we don’t buy the big sets. If you’re playing with the things you make, they’re going to break. Unless you glue them together, it’s pretty much inevitable.

My dear child is a sensitive sort, and he takes disappointment about as well as I do– that is, not well at all. On Wednesday he dropped the BTTF III DeLorean and the rear end shattered. And he cried. Of course he did. He’d spent a lot of time building that. Worse, he had convinced himself that he couldn’t do it again. This car, this thing that he’d created, had been perfect, the ultimate, the very best he could do, and it could never be replaced.

He was crushed.

I tried to reason with him. “The car you made was amazing,” I told him (not lying- given the limited supplies he had available, it was pretty awesome). “You’re upset about this, and that’s OK. I know it hurts to lose something you’ve worked so hard on.”

Yes, folks, I had my Good Mama panties on that day. It’s hard not to be frustrated with a “big” kid who’s wailing over something that seems insignificant in the larger scheme of things (“a LEGO car? Kid, I have BILLS to pay and I can’t figure out what’s making the fridge stink!”), but I really did understand. I’ve been there. I’ve written 55,000 words of a story and then lost it all in a computer glitch/crash/file transfer error. I’ve worked on customizing a pony, spent hours on it, and realized I was painting the wrong side. I know the pain of having to start over.

So I let him be upset, and I tried to reassure him. I told him that he’d done it once, he could do it again. I told him (again, from experience) that it would probably be even better the second time around. He would take what he learned the first time and build on it.

He didn’t believe me. He said he could never do it again. Finally I explained to him he had two options: he could set it aside until he calmed down and then try again, or he could give up.

“I don’t want to give up!” he wailed. He went to his room and closed out the whole cruel, Lego-breaking world for a while.

And then, when I wasn’t looking, he sneaked out and made a new Delorean.

It was better. He was happy.

Did he learn anything from that experience? I don’t know. I’d like to think so, but this was not our first time dealing with this exact same issue (hence the frustration on my part).

I did, though. It’s something I think most of us have been through: creation of something we love, loss of that creation, the temptation to say “Screw it, I didn’t want a DeLorean anyway.” But when we pick up the pieces (literally or figuratively speaking) and ask what we’ve learned from our past attempts, we find that we can make something just as good– or even better. Not a new lesson to me, but one I needed to be reminded of.

That’s not the only lesson I’ve learned in the past few days, but it’ll do for now. Maybe next week we’ll take a look at “Congratuations, You Can’t Win.” THAT’S a fun one!

So tell me: have you been there? What was your Lego DeLorean, and how did the next attempt turn out? Have you ever decided that something was just too broken to be fixed?

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Fun at Bayfront

I was going to do a nice post for you today about that Barkery I mentioned before. Then I plugged my camera into the computer and remembered why I don’t use the camera anymore: it says that the files are “read only” and can’t be copied onto the computer.

Oops.

So until I figure that out, why not take a trip to Bayfront Park instead?

Many of our days in Hamilton were a series of short events. In one way, it was great; we got to see and do lots of things. On the other hand, it’s really hard to get your kids to leave a fun place when saying “we’ll come back another day!” is simply not an option. This was one of those days. We had plans for the evening of AJ’s birthday that involved a whole crapload of extended-family time, and we were pretty excited about that, but what to do with the earlier bits of the day?

How about a fantastic playground?

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That, my friends, is a good playground.

Not convinced?

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SO MUCH PLAYGROUND. And that’s not even the best side; the other (Port?) side has more climbing equipment, including a bouncy bridge thing that’s way too much fun to be allowed at a modern playground, and another gangplank leading on to the ship.

The boat is two levels of… well, there’s nothing ON the boat, but come on. PLAY BOAT.

Bayfront has more than just a playground (and a tiny beach, did I mention the tiny beach?). They also have walking trails, which we didn’t have time to explore, and lots of real boats to watch. We had lunch at William’s, and it was delicious.

Also, geese.

Also, geese.

Bonus Story: At lunch, I became THAT GUY.

You know the one. The one who eats most of his meal at a restaurant and then complains… yeah, I became him. It wasn’t my fault! I ate half of my turkey and swiss sandwich before I realized it was distinctly lacking in swiss. Not that it wasn’t a good sandwich, mind you, but it’s right there in the name… anyway, I wasn’t going to say anything, but AJ offered to go and ask for my cheese.

He came back with a whole new sandwich.

I felt like a jerk.

William’s, I was not scamming you. I just wanted my cheese.

It was delicious.


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