Tag Archives: engrish

July 18, 2014

The Greatest Find of Them All

We’ve had some fun here before with cheap toys I’ve found at bargain/dollar stores. Fakie ponies with stolen My Little Pony box art, Barbie rip-offs that look like drunken floozies, questionable propositions from Engrish packaging.

But nothing prepared me for this.

Frans Tromers. Dark of the Moon.

Guys, seriously. FRANS TROMERS.

This is the single most glorious, not-a-#$@&-was-given-that-day, up-yours-trademark-holders, why-the-hell-not ripoffery I’ve witnessed since that pony with two generations of stolen Hasbro box art.

Frans wins the toy wars. He came home with me.

That’s right. I own a mint in box Frans Tromer. I’m that cool.

4 Comments | tags: engrish, Frans Tromers, toy, transformers | posted in Engrish

June 6, 2013

Older Engrish

By Kate Sparkes

I have a special treat for you guys today. I recently dug out this old dollar store children’s diary I found several years ago. I forgot how good the Engrish is. Most of it is weird, random sayings. Some of it is just… well, look at the cover. (I’ll type it out, in case you can’t see it on your screen)

“Good Luck
You’re always on my mind I’ll be there until the end of time
My heart is flammable when I see your beautiful eyes.”

Um… thanks, sleepy sheep!

And in case you didn’t get the message there at the top:

It only gets better.

“MY LIFE PURE LOVE WILL SAVE THE MEMORY”

“BEST WISHES FOREVER
You have a way of making me really
high on life.”

“Wishing you every success in your future career”

”
“BEET WISHES
I have come here to give you good luck”

“Let’s go! Hurry up! Welcome to fat land Oh, shit too past”

I’m sorry, what was that again?

That’s what I thought you said.

Engrish, you are SO GROUNDED.

4 Comments | tags: diary, dollar store, engrish | posted in Engrish

May 23, 2013

Expanding Engrish

By Kate Sparkes

Yes, I found a new store with very much of Engrish for your infinite pleasure of perusal. Click to make the pictures bigger! Technology!

Enjoy. 🙂

“Now with severed feet!”

Holy Bratz rip-offs, Batman!

^This one was actually a cute concept: world-travelling dolls with passports and edumactaional opportunities. It’s not the best Engrish, but I did enjoy “feel the amorous of each other countries.” It’s Eat, Party, Love. I also love how in the picture two of the girls have soulless, dead eyes, while the others have sparkling little reflections. Whatever countries they’re representing, I think it’s safe to assume that the zombies have won.

“Transcend B/O” Don’t we all wish…

Engrish toys have the best back-stories. Seriously.

Sucking up AND the hard sell. This one wins.

6 Comments | tags: boat, bratz, dolls, engrish, fakies, toys | posted in Engrish, Funnies, Photos

May 20, 2013

One of Unique Engrish for Monday. Collect them All!

By Kate Sparkes

I’ve got a bigger Engrish post coming on Thursday (if my scheduling calculations are correct, and they aren’t always), but I thought this one deserved its own post.

“Let’s own your friends.”

I call shotgun on basing a story on this one.

–

Also, I’ve added a handy-dandy “Engrish” category over there on the right, in case anyone needs to refer back to these oh-so-important posts. You’re so welcome. 🙂

11 Comments | tags: dolls, engrish, Rossy, toy | posted in Engrish

May 2, 2013

Engrish Invasion

By Kate Sparkes

Yes, folks, it’s time for another Engrish post. Nothing new the last few times I’ve been to Rossy (and really, I only go for you guys), but I have some saved from before. It’s not sensible rationing or intelligent forethought so much as the fact that this one was too good to dilute with other contributions in the last Engrish post. Also, the demon-fairy that appeared when we read that one out loud has been causing problems , and we didn’t want to risk that again.

We’ll be going back to Barbie knock-offs today, though I have a few ponies, cars and trucks for another day. Oh, the muddled bounty!

Pole-dancing fairies. Collect them all!

OK, so that wasn’t true Engrish as much as a WTF cheap doll moment, but she is riding that massive staff like a boss*. You go, fairy!

I’ve heard that one before. STOP PRESSURING ME!

Yep, I’ve heard that one before, too.

Infinite pleasure is a HUGE thing on these boxes. It’s both promising and disturbing.

You know, I want to say that I’ve heard that before, but nope. This is completely new to me.

But still, is anyone else starting to think that “I’ve heard that before” could be the new “that’s what she said?”

And last but not least (not that there’s any objective way to rank this stuff), we have Simple happy DIY beauty hair! YESSSSS! You know, I wish I had more toys that would let my imagination. Or let me imagination, depending on how you read that. Also, no one ever offered me infinite space when I was a kid, and I’m kind of upset about that. It’s not infinite pleasure, but it’s something.

ENJOY THIS HAPPY TIME WIHT YOU

Oh, and this is for Jae at Lit and Scribbles. Just when you thought they couldn’t get any cheaper… DRUNKEN FLOOZIE PLAYSET IS ON SALE! (Here’s their first appearance her at DtP)

Gutter and wine coolers not included.

–

*And if that exact line doesn’t appear in a published volume of erotic fiction, there’s something wrong with this world. Somebody needs to get on that. So to speak.

12 Comments | tags: Barbie, dolls, engrish, knock-offs, Rossy | posted in Engrish, Funnies, Photos

March 14, 2013

Revenge of the Engrish

By Kate Sparkes

Just when you thought it was safe to go shopping…

You know what? I have more, but that… I can’t add anything to that. The rest can wait

–
UPDATE: My husband read that out loud, and it has summoned some sort of magical beauty demon/fairy thing. We can’t understand a damn thing he says, but his style is, indeed, astonishing!

16 Comments | tags: engrish, funny, Rossy, toys | posted in Engrish, Photos

February 21, 2013

Attack of the Knock-Offs

By Kate Sparkes

I’m sure you’ll all be thrilled to know that I went back to Rossy last weekend (see also: this post). I didn’t have much time for photos (it was an emergency sock-finding mission), but I couldn’t leave without searching for a few more Engrish-tastic treats for you guys. Please, save your applause for the comments section.

First up: Wild Focus! I really don’t know how I left the store without this. Everlasting friendship(!) is good, but fashion smell? That’s something that’s REALLY hard to find.

Yeah, I know. That dress, right? Apparently this particular fashion smell is eau de wardrobe malfunction. Dolls Gone Wild (Focus)!
I actually found the dolls themselves more entertaining than the packaging this time. These two were particular favourites:

Say what you will about Rossy, but I’m willing to bet you can’t get a Drunken Floozie play set at Walmart. I’m not sure what’s most disturbing here: the trashy streaks in the hair, the stench of desperation coming off of the one with her boobs falling out, or the fact that the one on the left kind of looks like Paris Hilton (but less plastic). Also, it looks like Paris there is holding her BFF’s hair as she frantically searches for a gutter to puke in, but that’s more hilarious than disturbing.

OK, last up today we have the amusingly-named White-Collar OH DEAR LORD WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER CROTCH?!!

I’m going to be having nightmares about that for the next month. First grade product my ass.

-_-

11 Comments | tags: dolls, engrish, toys | posted in Engrish, Funnies

January 17, 2013

Engrish-topia

By Kate Sparkes

I sincerely apologize if anyone thinks it’s mean to laugh at “Engrish” (awkward translations). Please bear in mind that I don’t think it’s funny because I think “for’ners” are idiots, but because I know how difficult English is- think of it as a laugh of sympathy and understanding. Also, I imagine I’d do a lot worse if I was the one trying to translate from English into… well, any other language in all of ever.

It’s like the most surreal poetry than anyone ever didn’t mean to write.

Now that that’s out of the way, I found some amazing examples a while back at Rossy. Rossy’s a weird store. It’s kind of like Bi-Way used to be. Remember that? No? OK, Bargain Harold’s. Still no? Whatever, like a slightly-better-than-a-dollar-store. You can get name-brand toys there (and presumably other things, but why would I look at that stuff?), but the real entertainment value is in the knock-offs.

I hope you can read the fine print on these doll boxes. I enjoyed them. 🙂